I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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