how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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