she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
