I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
