Ambien. No doubt about it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
