I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
