i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
