i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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