my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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