i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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