could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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