I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
