i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
