I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
