Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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