u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
