She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
