I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't deserve a penis
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
