I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
