Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize