it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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