mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
