would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
