Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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