So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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