Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
