Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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