you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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