she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
