wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
