Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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