Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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