toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
