I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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