if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
