stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
