So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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