I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
