Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
