Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
