maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
