The maid of honor just puked.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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