hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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