i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
