Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
