WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
