Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
