i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The uberlube is also flammable
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
