We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize