U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize