this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
