dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
