is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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