peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
