Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
