So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
