I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
