Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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