Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
