k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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