i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
