pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
