his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
