Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
