I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
