I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
