Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
