I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize